How To Marry a Millionaire Vampire by Kerrelyn Sparks

Ok, tell me the truth:

What comes to your mind when somebody puts as a statement (or guide) something like: HOW TO…

I’ll tell you a few:

HOW TO change a tire in your car: practical guide on how to maneuver with a big rolling rubber and not crush your fingers in the process.

HOW TO pick the best lettuce at the produce section of a local supermarket: easy tips that allow you to search for the freshest lettuce and / or any other vegetable, in order not to spend $0.69 / a lb. for a green ingredient nobody is gonna eat at home if it looks to old.

HOW TO chose an cool costume for your kid’s Halloween school party and not look like old fashioned and boring: step by step procedure on how not to embarrass your kid in front of his friends looking like a cheap 1950’s pin up girl with bad hair color and extra love handles rolling out of your spandex pants.

Now, if you agree with me, you will find that the combination of those two words: HOW TO, indicate nothing else but that: a PROCESS. So I asked myself when I finished this book: how DO you really marry a millionaire vampire?

I not even ONCE read the instructions / guide / step by step procedure in any page of this book. Although, I have to say that it is entertaining at some point I was about to EXPLODE in frustration if Roman Draganesti said GOD’S BLOOD one more time.

I can understand that the author tried to focus Roman’s point of view and heart to his ancient beliefs as a monk, but if he was a man of God he should have know that “thou shall not use the name of the Lord in vain” even though I do it constantly every single day, but hey, I’m a simple mortal (ha!) and don’t have a priest / nun background. But ok, forget that. In Spanish grammar we have something we call “MULETILLA” which in English grammar I have no idea how to translate, but it’s kinda like a repetitive word you use within a sentence. Anyways, that particular “God’s Blood” has been one of the most ANNOYING phrases I have ever read in a book.

However, (and yes, I will not make this an attack to Kerrelyn Sparks) I have to say that as the first attempt of this author to bring vampire lovers, she did pretty good. I feel though, that she didn’t give Shanna the place she needed to have. Her character fulfilled the requirements for a vampire novel but in my opinion she could have done better. Roman in the other hand did seem to be a very well built character, with the internal conflict of somebody commited to a life that for many reasons just couldn’t follow.

What I didn’t like, is that in no place of this whole book it’s explained how, when or where about the vampire background. Yes, they are dead at sunrise and alive at sundown, but other than that? What’s the origin? What’s the background? Where do they come from? How do they function? See, each author has their own realm and I could only expect for Sparks to explain a little bit more specifically which one is the nature of HER vampires. I kinda got it, only because I’ve read so many in the past it’s ridiculous. But I feel she owed me on that part.

I laughed. Yes! I LAUGHED with some of the scenes and especially for Gregori who I expect to find a book about in my near future reading.

So yes, there was a non conventional love story. Yes there was laughter. Yes, there was cheesiness. Yes, there was action, but no, there was no step by step HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE VAMPIRE nowhere here. If I would’ve find HOW TO you bet I would be using it on a MILLIONAIRE MORTAL 🙂

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